


"Flour/baking"

by theisraelproject107



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: M/M, flour/baking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-03
Updated: 2015-09-03
Packaged: 2018-04-18 19:19:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4717496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theisraelproject107/pseuds/theisraelproject107
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Riku's attempts to gain the (positive) attention of the super cute cashier at the erotic bakery go from bad to worse to let's-just-not-talk-about-it-okay?</p>
            </blockquote>





	"Flour/baking"

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Flour/baking  
> Main pairing: RiSo  
> Rating: M (for utter crudity, and dragging down the tone of the entire project)  
> Word count: 3,271  
> Prompter: anon

Riku parked his car as close to the bakery as he could get, not wanting to carry something as delicate as freshly-baked cupcakes around the city in case someone knocked him and he dropped the whole damn lot. These were expensive cakes, the girls had warned him, and they had issued him with a firm ultimatum: you break it, you buy it.

Tough talk for a couple chicks who were too embarrassed to go pick up the order _they made_ at an erotic bakery. Kairi and Selphie had tag-teamed him, wheedling and pleading until he exasperatedly agreed to pick up the naughty cakes for their friend’s hen’s night later on. _They_ claimed they were just too busy getting everything else ready – but Riku knew the instant that they told him the name of the order to ask for that they were just too chicken.

Shaking his head, he dug his hands into his pockets and headed along the sidewalk towards the bakery’s innocuous front. The signage was clear enough about the sort of wares they dealt in, but it looked so _normal,_ like any other bakery he’d ever been to. Riku pushed through the door, hearing the friendly tinkle of a bell over his head, and entered a world of warm, sweet smells. He glanced around, brushing the long hair out of his eyes. The shop was pretty small, with just a single counter with no one behind it. An L-shaped display case showed some tamer cakes pointing towards the door, and then some pretty fucking funny ones pointing towards the wall. A half-smile tugging at his mouth, he stepped closer to the case, bending and peering through the glass at a cake in the shape of a vagina, a doll’s head popping out of it like some bizarre _Alien_ re-enactment. Uh, right, so – baby shower cake right there, he was pretty sure. Next to it was a cake with an image of a buff guy in the frosting, and then just a, just a _gigantic_ penis curving up from it into the realm of 3D. Wow. Okay.

His highly immature chuckle was met with the clearing of a throat, just a slight, polite sound, but Riku jumped. _Shit._ Right – the little bell had announced his entrance, hadn’t it? He straightened and turned to the register... then abruptly halted. His eyes widened slightly.

The… absolute _cutest_ guy was working as cashier. And, actually, judging from the flour currently powdering parts of his tanned face and the black apron he wore, he was also a baker here. But he had these _bright blue eyes,_ and the most disarming smile Riku had ever seen, and just… man, this shop was full of surprises.

The guy tilted his head slightly, a quizzical look passing over his expression, and Riku realized all at once that he was staring. He hurriedly cleared his throat, dug his hands deeply back into the pockets of his jacket, and stepped over to the register. “Uh, hi.”

“Hi, there!” Oh, man, he even had a cute manner. Just two words and Riku could feel his stomach flip-flopping – there was such a natural cheeriness to his attitude, it was like stepping into a patch of sunlight. “Welcome to Destiny Island! What can I do for you?”

Riku opened his mouth, then froze. He had been – _totally_ fine with coming to pick up the cakes when he just thought it’d be any old encounter. It wasn’t embarrassing, right? They were cakes, the people who worked here weren’t going to be snickering behind their hands at someone coming in and asking for things – so why was it suddenly such a hard task to get those words out? “Uh – um…” He felt himself panicking and coughed into his hand to buy some time, while the guy behind the counter started raising an eyebrow.

“Um. Are you here to place an order? Or pick one up? Or…” His eyebrow completed its ascent. “…Just browsing?”

Riku felt his cheeks flame, and hurriedly shook his head. “No – _haha_ – no, I’m here for, I need to pick up, uh…” He cleared his throat one last time. _Come on, Riku. He works here. He probably made them._ “I’m picking up an order. I’m here to pick up a forty-eight batch of…” _You can do it._ “…cock-cakes.”

The guy’s face brightened. “Ah, right.” He checked an order log-book. “For Selphie and Kairi, right?”

“That’s them,” Riku mumbled, momentarily hating them for existing. But then the guy gave him a bright smile, and he hated them a little – a lot – less.

“Just wait right here, I’ll bring them right out.”

He turned and disappeared through the doorway behind the counter, while Riku sagged, gripping the display case for support. _That guy was so cute._ What to do? Should Riku ask for his number? Could he? Was it creepy to go from staring at cakes with gigantic dicks to asking a guy for his digits? _There was no precedent for this!_

The guy returned entirely too quickly, before Riku was able to straighten back up, forcing him to improvise and pretend he was looking at the cakes. With a hand pressed hard to the glass… right… right over a cake shaped into two of the largest breasts Riku had ever seen, on or off confections. He lifted his gaze slowly to the bakery guy’s, who was peering down at what he was apparently trying to grope through the glass. He commented, “Oh, that one. They’re pretty real-looking, huh?”

About as real as Riku’s desire for the ground to open up and swallow him whole. Yep. “Uhm.”

“Well, here are the cock-cakes.” The guy had brought out a large white box, popping up the lid to let Riku look inside at eight neat rows of cupcakes decorated with frosting and a variety of little, erect, sugar penises. “Cute, right?”

Riku grappled for words. “Ha – ya…”

“Not your thing? More into boob cake?”

“N-no!” God, if the guy thought he was _straight_ it was all over. “I’m not – into boob cake. I’m… I’m definitely more of a cock-cake man…”

Oh, Jesus, take the wheel.

Riku closed his eyes. He heard himself say, “Um, is there – any charge? My friends didn’t tell me…” Honestly, he couldn’t remember. He couldn’t remember anything anymore. That he was capable of stringing words together right now was as close to a miracle as Riku was ever going to get.

“No – they paid ahead. The cock-cakes are all yours.” He could hear the amusement in the guy’s voice, and felt his insides _shrivel._

“Thank you.”

With absolutely zero pride, and a keen desire to maybe throw himself under the next passing bus, Riku grabbed the box of cock-cakes and somehow wobbled his way out of the shop and back to his car. Sitting behind the wheel with the big, white box in the passenger’s seat, Riku felt the _thud_ of his brain catching up with the rest of him, and that was when he scared the passers-by by slamming his head so hard into the steering wheel that he made the horn blare.

.o.O.o.

Three days later, Riku couldn’t take it anymore. The guy at the erotic cake store had just been – all over his mind. When he closed his eyes, he saw him. When he took a breath, he felt like smiling. But then, inevitably, whenever he thought of the cake store guy, he thought of the absolute fucking shambles that encounter had been, and he wanted to curl into a ball like a pill bug and never come out again.

_Ugghhh._ He’d never been so mortified in all his life. And there was no reason it had had to go that way, that was the worst part! It was because Riku choked right when it mattered most that it had turned into such an awkward mess. If he had just – just played it _cool,_ behaved like a guy who was way too mature to do anything more than maybe _smirk_ at a gigantic erection coming off of a cake, and have opinions about little cock-cakes where he could agree, “Yes, they’re super cute!” or something to that effect…

But, no. Not Riku. He had gaped, grunted, and groped the display case.

He was a living, breathing train wreck.

But – even so, he couldn’t get the guy out of his head.

That was how he found himself nervously sitting at his laptop, finger circling the mouse button,  sucking on his bottom lip and mustering up the courage to click the _‘Order and Pay’_ button on the Destiny Island website. He had… selected a cake that he hoped… expressed his interests, in cake form… sort of.

It was a cock. It was a cake in the shape of a cock. A big one. With… frosted, globe-like balls, and… _augh,_ he didn’t know what he was doing. He didn’t. All he knew was that he wanted an excuse to see the guy at the bakery again, and he had already made enough of an _ass_ of himself without just strolling in and adding ‘local perv who stares at erotic bakery wares’ to the list.

So. Okay. He could do this. Totally. He could. He _could._

He clicked, and in a heartbeat, his order went through. He had ordered it for next-day pick-up, even though it cost extra. He just – he didn’t want to wait any longer. He had to go and try again. Try to make a _good_ impression.

Now, he had to go and plan his outfit for tomorrow.

.o.O.o.

His heart was going to explode.

Riku was back to wobbling, trying desperately to look suave as he did so. He just – couldn’t get his knees to _behave,_ damn it. They were all weak and shaky, and his palms were sweaty, and _God,_ you’d think these things got easier when you got a little older.

_Come on, Riku. Head in the game!_

He stopped just short of the store and gave his cheeks a rousing slap, drew a deep, fortifying breath, lifted his head, squared his shoulders, and continued with a _confident_ wobble into the Destiny Island bakery. The little bell sounded, threatening to shatter his cool. He nervously flipped his hair, approaching the counter with his hands bunching and releasing. He had chosen his outfit carefully – jeans and a zip-up sleeveless black shirt, yellow vest over the top, the primo _arm-bearing_ outfit, so maybe he could flash his biceps a little at the guy, make _him_ weak at the knees.

He heard approaching steps and sucked in a little more air before he got dizzy.

His server was a woman in a pink dress.

Riku once again sagged against the display case.

“Um… can I – help you?” she asked, baffled. She glanced down at the case, to where his hands were splayed. “…You want some boob cake?”

Riku… left the store.

.o.O.o.

“Whaaat? And you didn’t even pick up your giant cock cake?”

Riku sat sulkily on the couch in the apartment he shared with Kairi and Selphie, a foot propped up on the coffee table, arms folded and the TV on. In response to the question, he growled, “Not helping, Kairi.”

“But you paid for it and everything…”

“You’ve eaten enough cock for the both of us,” Riku spitefully sniffed, then, at the look on her face, fearing suddenly for his safety, he hurriedly clarified, “From the cock-cakes! The little ones at the hen’s night! The cupcake cock-cakes!” He then sighed, the air leaving him in a gusty rush. “…Why do all my conversations about erotic cakes end badly?”

“Aw, sweetie.” Kairi patted his arm sympathetically. “It’ll be okay, I promise. There are plenty more cock cakes in the sea!”

Riku’s chin dropped to his chest.

He was never going to live this one down.

.o.O.o.

The next day, Riku was doing his best to convince himself he’d never been to an erotic bakery in his life. There was no cute cashier, no disastrous conversation, no – _cock cakes._ And anyway, no one was worth this level of self-flagellation. He had been humiliated _quite_ enough: he was ready to give up on the bakery guy. Some things just… weren’t meant to be.

He heaved a deep, glum sigh.

Kairi and Selphie were out for the day, leaving him alone to mope around the apartment, thinking about the web design contract he should probably start getting around to before his deadline loomed. He didn’t really feel like job woes being piled on top of his romantic woes – or, lack thereof, he supposed. Nothing could be called ‘romantic woes’ with a guy whose _name_ he didn’t even know.

Just when he’d decided it was probably time to stop feeling sorry for himself and just go and try to get some work done, someone knocked at the door. Riku paused halfway to the stairs to his loft, bare toes wriggling for a moment in the carpet as he contemplated whether he could be bothered answering it. It was probably one of the girls’ friends. And if it was one of his, well… he had work to do.

His mind made up, he started again for the stairs, only for the knock to sound out a second time, accompanied by the muffled call of, _“Delivery!”_

…Well, maybe it was something from Amazon. That would be okay. Riku’s path veered towards the front door, unhooking the chain and twisting the deadlock, pulling it open a few inches. When he saw who was on the other side, he could have fainted dead away with shock.

Gripping the door for support, he clawed for air, before exclaiming, voice higher than desired, _“You?”_

The guy from the bakery tilted his head with a small giggle, his grin as broad as Riku remembered – maybe even broader. “Hi, again. You’re Riku, right?”

Riku stared wildly, before giving a quick, sharp nod.

“I’ve got a delivery for you, Riku.” He was holding a large, white box, like the one the cupcakes had come in. Gesturing to it with his chin, he asked, “Can I come in? Set this down somewhere?”

_“Sure.”_ Why did he keep sounding like someone had kicked him between the legs? With a tremendous summoning of will, he relaxed his vocal cords, deepened his voice. Hopefully sexily. “Come right in.” He stepped back, the bakery guy entering with a peppy step, looking around with great curiosity at the apartment.

“Oh, wow, what a nice place! It’s so big and airy.”

“I – share it with my friends,” Riku explained, feeling suddenly panicky. _What the hell, man? How was he here? Now?_ “Um. You wanted to set that down, right? I’ll show you to the kitchen.” The guy nodded, and happily fell into step behind Riku as he padded through the apartment. “So – uh – who placed that order again?”

“You did,” the guy answered, as Riku entered the kitchen and pointed to the counter. Setting the white box down, the guy flipped up the lid to show…

“Oh, my God.” The muttered exclamation left Riku before he could stop it. That… was a big cock-shaped cake. Frosted balls and all. But, wait… “I – I didn’t order it for delivery.” He was beyond confused, and after a moment’s thought, he added, “And I ordered it for yesterday.” More thinking. “And – your bakery doesn’t _deliver.”_

The guy’s grin, never too far away, edged a little wider. He leaned an elbow on the counter next to the cake box. “Yeah, well…” He held out a hand. “I’m Sora, by the way.”

Riku automatically stepped forward and grasped the proffered hand with a squeeze. “Riku.”

“I’ve heard some strange things lately, you know, Riku. Like, for example, yesterday I heard from my boss that a guy came in, wiped his hands over the boob cake in the display case, then left without a word.”

Riku started to fidget. “Oh – yeah?”

“Yeah, and at the end of the day we had a cake left over that we didn’t know what to do with, because the person who ordered it never picked it up.”

Riku’s eyes darted nervously to the open cake box.

“Oh… yeah?”

“And _then,_ bright and early this morning, we got this call from a girl who really wanted to talk to me.” Sora’s blue eyes danced with pent up laughter. “She told me a funny story, about a guy a couple days back who came into the store and thought that I looked _so cute_ he lost all ability to talk properly.” Riku gaped, horror crashing through him. No. Ohhh, no. “Then, it so happens, he spent the money ordering a cake so that maybe he could have another go at talking to me, properly this time. But, of course, my boss was on at the time, so I guess he chickened out and went home. I was out the back, by the way,” he added, with a wink. Riku’s face flamed red.

_“Kairi,”_ he growled.

“Yeah, that’s it! That’s the name of the girl who called to speak to me,” Sora agreed, now smiling _so_ widely it was a wonder he could keep his mirth in. “And she’s the one who told me the address of the guy who had ordered the cake but left before he could pick it up. She told me he might be a little _indisposed_ at the sight of me on his doorstep… but to press on, because he’s actually a total sweetheart, and not in fact someone who walks into erotic cake shops to paw at the boob cakes.”

Riku lowered his head so that his hair fell over his face, about ready to spontaneously combust. Sora wasn’t going to let him hide, though – a moment later, the guy was bent at the waist and peering up into Riku’s downturned face. “Wow. You’re bright red.” He grinned, a sight so lovely that Riku blushed even harder. “You know,” Sora offered, “you’re pretty cute yourself. It’s a good thing you’re not into boob cake, after all.”

Blinking, Riku’s head jerked up. “Um… _uh…”_

Sora straightened, and gave a small, two-fingered salute. “Well, I’d better get back to the store. I’m on my break right now.” He folded his hands behind his head, backing towards the doorway. “But it was – _really good_ to meet you, Riku. Maybe we’ll meet again, sometime.” He twisted and headed out of the kitchen, tossing back one final, teasing line: “Enjoy your cake!”

Riku, locked in place, listened to his shoes clomp through the apartment, finding their way back to the front door… and then, with a muffled bang, Sora was gone.

He stood for a moment in perfect stillness, trying to comprehend the last five minutes of his life.

What… _what…?_

He took his cell phone out of his pocket and dialled Kairi. She answered: _“Hello?”_

_“What the hell was that?”_ Riku screeched. “The – the _cake guy –_ there’s a _cock cake_ on the counter – and he – _Sora –_ and I just stood here like a – _and you! You did this!”_

_“…Is the cake any good?”_

Riku wanted to started hysterically laughing. “I’ll just _eat some cake,_ shall I?” He stalked to the white box and shoved the lid back. Once there, he stopped, his heart seeming to halt in his chest.

From the phone, he heard Kairi smugly ask, _”Well?”_

Riku stammered for a moment, then croaked, "I'll call you back." He ended the call and folded back the flap on the lid, across which a cell phone number had been neatly printed in black marker. A winking smiley sat at the end of it… and a little heart.

Hands trembling, Riku first punched in the name – _Sora –_ then carefully started entering the cake-box number into his phone, his chest light and his smile goofy.


End file.
